Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
