stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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