she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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