Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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