At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize