The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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