dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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