Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
