When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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