Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
