"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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