i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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