So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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