i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sober January is a disaster.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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