Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
