I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
