1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
