areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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