Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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