Only a mothe r could love this liver
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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