I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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