Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
