worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
