i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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