I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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