i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
