she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
