I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
