i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
