Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I touched a dick in church today
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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