i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
