Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
