I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
