Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
