Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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