Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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