Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My liver just broke up with me...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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