My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
