I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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