Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
