some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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