so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
