i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
