there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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