Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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