Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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