ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
