I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
