im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
