Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
