We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
