Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
