Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
