Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
