oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
bring money and cleavage
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
