so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
