Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
