have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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