EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
