are you still at the devil's house?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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