this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
