You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
