he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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