well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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