It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
