like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
