Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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