I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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