Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
