My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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