I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
