I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize