how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
