Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
